Let’s talk about sex…baby!


Sex. Perhaps NOT what you would expect a Christian woman to write a blog about, but when I read an article on Catarina Migliorini, the 20 year old Brazilian girl who has sold her virginity to a 58 year old Japanese businessman, I wept.  My heart broke for her when I read what she thinks sex is.  This morning, whilst commuting to work, I felt compelled to write a blog on Sex and how we should treat it, and NOT how we often DO treat it.  I appreciate that the subject is a little risqué, and if you are a Christian reading this, please try not to be offended…but sex is sex, its almost impossible to talk about it, without crossing a few lines…so please…bear with me….but also, get a grip….this is REAL life people! ;o)

So, sex. What is sex? Well, aside from the obvious – being the process of procreation – sex is, well, its…fun…its hopefully satisfying…its hot…its messy…its pleasurable….its intimate…its special.  Its meant for love, its meant for unity.  Its POWERFUL!  And not perhaps in the way you initially think… I’m not talking about control…no, sex is powerful because its vulnerable.  We become vulnerable when having sex.  Sex is something that should not be given away freely, its not something to just dismiss as unimportant.  Its SPECIAL!  I imagine a lot of you think, “yeah yeah whatever…who cares what you think…its great…I can do it with anyone and if I want to, I will!”  And don’t get me wrong, sex can be GREAT!  And it can also be horrid.  But i’m not here to talk about that aspect of it.  I’m here to try and help those who still have the gift – and yes it IS a GIFT – of their virginity…and to hopefully inspire you as to why you should PROTECT it with ALL your MIGHT AND be SELECTIVE of who you give it to!

I am lucky in that I have the perspectives of both a non Christian party animal whose already tried MOST things once, and my FRESH perspective of a woman whose been saved by grace, is sold out for God, and now waiting for that moment with my husband on my wedding night where I get to express just how much I love him!!

Having the ability of being able to see both perspectives of what sex is and how we should treat our sexual self has very much helped and enabled me to see sex as it really should be seen.  A pure and precious gift from God (yes, God invented sex!) something to cherish and protect.  Saying that, unfortunately for me I have gained this perspective the painful way and THAT is why I am hoping to inspire you to see sex as it should be seen.

So, to help you gain my perspective and perhaps understand and accept that your body and your virginity are worth protecting at all costs, I’ve decided to throw myself out there (in the non sexual sense) and share some of my heart with you through the experiences that have led me to my understanding of why having sex with someone is one of the MOST precious things you will ever do and why you should take GREAT care in who and when you give it away.

So I lost my virginity to my boyfriend when I was 19 years old…I was a late bloomer and it was my first boyfriend…who was later to become my husband. We waited 3 months and then one night things got a little steamy, one thing led to another and BAM!!  We did it!!  And yes, it was good!  I liked the physical satisfaction of it and the passion….the passion was GREAT!  Just like in the movies…well, apart from the nagging thought inside my head that said I shouldn’t be doing this…I did enjoy it.  It was afterwards that the full force of that nagging hit me…how I would never get my virginity back again and then whilst I lay there my mind went crazy trying to work out how I could rectify what I’d done. How could I change what had happened. Ah, I know….I’ll marry him. THAT’S the answer!  FAILLLLLLLLL!!  That was NOT the answer.  Jesus was. But I went ahead with the marriage, we got married and I was trapped and very unhappy.

Now, imagine if I hadn’t let things get too steamy.  Imagine if I had had more self control and I had stopped things going as far as they did.  Well, perhaps I wouldn’t have married a man for the wrong reasons and been divorced before I reached 24!  But, anyway, that isn’t the reason for sharing this story.  The reason is to explain that after I had given away my virginity, and once the marriage had failed, my confused perspective of sex and what it is for, led me to one broken relationship after another.  I used my sex appeal to lure men to bed – as I thought this would fulfill me – I’d sleep with them, a relationship would start, confusion/insecurity would set in and when the relationship failed – which it inevitably would, I would wonder why…?!?!

Having sex is one of THE most vulnerable experiences we can have.  There are things involved in sex that you may not even think about, such as, how much do I ACTUALLY trust this person? Do I trust them to respect me before, during and after this experience?  Will they notice the flabby bits of my body that I hate so much?  Will they laugh at me?  Getting naked exposes ALL of you, your flaws, your flabby bits, your private parts…..oooo errrr!  Its not something to take lightly.  Its not something to dismiss as unimportant.  Its VERY important!  Getting naked with someone and having sex with them is the ULTIMATE in INTIMACY!  Its ABSOLUTE VULNERABILITY!  There is NO other experience that can and will expose your vulnerability like it!

And its THESE very reasons that I have come to the conclusion that sex is PRECIOUS.  Sex is a GIFT.  Sex is SPECIAL.  Not to be given away to some guy/girl you don’t know, who has a fit bod and says all the right things.  Its worth MORE than that!  YOU’RE worth MORE than that!  EVERY time we have sex with someone we give a piece of ourselves to them.  That’s the exchange.  That’s the deal.  I’m not talking about bodily fluids – although these most likely will be exchanged….no, I’m talking about your HEART.  Your ‘SELF’.  Your YOU!  Aside from the risk of unwanted pregnancy or STI/STD’s the fact of the matter is that when you have sex with someone you give a piece of your heart away with it. You may think, “yeah, whatever…I don’t see anything wrong with it, I love playin the field” Can I boldly say that you are WRONG!  You just may not recognise it yet. And you may not want to accept it yet. But it takes time to realise how damaged your heart gets when its been given to every Tom, Dick or Harry on the block. And when you do realise how broken you have become, it’s almost too late….the ONLY answer IS Jesus. The restoring power of God is the ONLY way your heart can be healed from the emptiness it will feel. How do I know….because I have been there. I have experienced the empty, worthless, dirty, brokenness that is only revealed when its too late. And it sucks!  Its quite possibly the worst feeling in the world.  And it doesn’t go away.  At least it doesn’t without Jesus.  And now I have been restored, I have my heart back and it is better than it ever was! I can love again, I can finally give my heart to someone again, without SOO much confusion, hurt, insecurity and pain that they won’t want it.  My heart is restored…In the way that only God can restore. But this time…I’m being SELECTIVEPatient and selective!

If we give ourselves to someone through sex we GIVE ourselves to someone.  Its THAT simple.  So please, be SELECTIVE.  Be SENSIBLE.  Be CAUTIOUSBE IN LOVE!   Heck, BE MARRIED!  If we aren’t willing to marry someone before we have sex with them, then we shouldn’t be willing to sleep with them. IT’s THAT SIMPLE!  Why?  Because Marriage needs love, commitment, trust, understanding, respect and friendship.  And SEX NEEDS love, commitment, trust, understanding, respect and friendship.  Otherwise that piece of our heart that we give away gets trampled on, torn up and thrown away…and its then that we will finally discover how precious our heart is, and why we shouldn’t give it away so freely.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ANTI sex….FARRRR from it!  I just know its value and the sacrifice we make when we have it.

So Catarina, if you read this, please please please rethink what you are doing. It’s NOT worth it. No matter how much money you make, IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!! You are precious, you are special, you are worth MORE money than ANYONE can give…EVERYONE’S life, body and heart is!  Keep your virginity for the Man of your DREAMS! NOT the man of your nightmares.  And don’t be too afraid to change your mind.  Your body is your right.  Protect It….its priceless!

xxx Debs

Please feel free to provide feedback by commenting on my blog.  Thanks.

4 thoughts on “Let’s talk about sex…baby!

  1. Deborah. I didn’t notice your blog until today. So I took a cheeky look. And this article is amazing! Honestly amazing! You should write a book…or start therapy/a ministry (haha!). But seriously, you are excellent. xxx

  2. Debs I love this. More people really do need to hear you speak. People don’t think about sex like this and they need to. Heck I need to. I really to reevaluate things.

  3. Debs absolutely breathtaking. Sex is such a difficult subject especially among Christians. You navigate the subject with such honesty and vulnerability that is difficult to resist. I love it.

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